I tried to open a milk carton with telekinesis, but I just ended up feeling a little powerless.
I used to be lactose intolerant, but then I followed the cheese and everything changed. (Bonus points if you say this one while holding your nose!)
My friend asked me if I wanted to go on an adventure. I said, “Sure, whisk me away!”
I’m lactose intolerant, so if you offer me milk, I’ll have to decline politely. I’m not trying to be a cheese-monger about it.
What do you call a group of cows who make milk? A lactaid band.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. But when life gives you spoiled milk, you’re probably lactose intolerant.
I’m feeling a little moo-dy today. Maybe I just need a glass of milk.
I oat believe how much I love oat milk!
I’m so indecisive, I can’t even choose between whole milk and skim milk. I’m just standing here milk-ing it.
My friend spilled his milk on the floor. I guess you could say he’s feeling a little sour about it.
Got Jokes?.. I Mean, Milk?
“Milk: Because apparently, you’re never too old for a food coma.”
“Got Milk? Who cares, it’s not like it’s coffee.”
“Drink milk and grow up big and strong… or at least big.”
“Milk: The perfect way to pretend you’re healthy.”
“Why drink water when you can have milk? Hydration is overrated anyway.”
“Milk: Because you’re not complex enough for wine tastings.”
“Sure, milk gives you calcium, but so does a good cheese pizza.”
“Drink milk – because adulting is hard and you need comfort food.”
“Milk: It’s like water, but for people who love to bloat.”
“Got Milk? More like, got a reason to visit the fridge at midnight?”
“Milk: Because who doesn’t want to drink something a baby cow eats?”
“Milk: The bone builder… or so they tell us.”
“Milk: Because your coffee looked lonely.”
“Milk: It does a body good… but so does sleep and we don’t get enough of that either.”
“Embrace the lactose intolerance – it’s your body saying you’re too cool for milk.”
“Milk: For when water just isn’t creamy enough.”
“Got Milk? Better question, got lactase?”
“Milk: Because life’s too short to drink black coffee.”
“Milk: Turning cereal from dry disappointment to edible breakfast since forever.”
“Milk: Because someone told us it’s better than drinking soda.”
Funny Tweets #MilkJokes
“Just paid $5 for a latte and realized I’m basically just investing in expensive milk. #AdultingFail #MilkMoney”
“Accidentally bought almond milk and now my cereal thinks I’m sophisticated. #NuttyMistake #FancyCereal”
“Milk: because who doesn’t want to start their day with a tall glass of liquid cow? #BreakfastOfChampions #MooJuice”
“I drink milk straight from the carton. Because why dirty a glass when you’re already living on the edge? #Rebel #MilkLife”
“Lactose intolerant and still eating dairy. Because who needs comfort when you can have chaos? #DairyDaredevil #LivingOnTheEdge”
“Remember when milk was just milk? Now it’s soy, almond, oat… What’s next, kale milk? #TooManyChoices #MilkIdentityCrisis”
“If you can drink black coffee but can’t handle plain milk, are you really an adult? Asking for a friend. #GrownUpQuestions #MilkMysteries”
“Why does almond milk exist? Who looked at an almond and thought, ‘Yeah, I could milk that.’ #NuttyThoughts #AlmondEnigma”
“Just saw ‘milk helps you grow strong bones’ and I’m sitting here waiting for my height to kick in. Any day now… #StillWaiting #MilkLies”
“I only trust people who drink their milk with ice. Because clearly, they understand commitment. #IceCold #MilkWithAChill”
“Milk is just cow juice. Change my mind. #UnpopularOpinion #MooJuice”
“Tried to make my coffee healthier by adding milk. Pretty sure I’m just lying to myself at this point. #CoffeeLies #MilkyWay”
“Is it really breakfast if your cereal isn’t swimming in an ocean of milk? #BreakfastDebate #CerealSwimmer”
“Milk lasts longer in the fridge than my motivation to go to the gym. #SadTruths #MilkOutlastsMotivation”
“I like my milk like I like my jokes – full of cheese and slightly off. #CheesyJokes #MilkHumor”
“Got milk? More like, got a reason to never leave the house again? #HermitLife #MilkErrands”
“If drinking milk at midnight is wrong, I don’t want to be right. #MidnightSnack #MilkHour”
“Who needs a personality when you have a fridge full of different types of milk? #DairyPersonality #MilkVariety”
“I’m not saying I’m addicted to milk, but if there’s a support group, I might attend. #MilkAddict #DairyAnonymous”
“Remember, kids, milk does a body good. But so does wine, in moderation. #Adulting #MilkVsWine”
