Being a girl with a big booty means never having to worry about falling – there’s always a built-in cushion! As a girl with a big booty, I don’t do sit-ups, I do sit-downs – because I make any chair look good! Having a big booty means I never lose at musical chairs. When I…
“America: where you can get shot while learning about freedom and democracy in school.” “In America, you can dream of becoming anything you want, as long as it’s not debt-free.” “America, where the healthcare is expensive but the thoughts and prayers are always free.” “Welcome to America, the land of the free and the home…
Wash Your Hands An Army guy and a Marine are standing at the urinals. After taking a piss, the Marine walks over to wash his hands. When the Army guy is done taking a piss, he walks straight for the door. The Marine says” one of the basic things they teach in the Marines is…
Welcome to a post dialling up some classic telephone jokes sure to tickle your funny bone. Whether you remember rotary phones or the latest smartphones, these jokes are timeless. Dial Up Some Laughs Modern Phone Mishaps: Funny Telephone Jokes “Why did the smartphone break up with the landline? It just couldn’t handle the cord-less commitment.”…
“Have a purr-fect Easter!” “Egg-cited to hunt for those catnip eggs!” “You’ve got to be kitten me, more chocolate eggs?” “Hoppy Easter from your favorite fur-ball!” “This Easter, I’m dyeing… my fur with safe, washable color, of course!” “I’m not a bunny, I’m a whisker warrior on a hunt for treats!” “Easter: A tail of…
I tried to open a milk carton with telekinesis, but I just ended up feeling a little powerless. I used to be lactose intolerant, but then I followed the cheese and everything changed. (Bonus points if you say this one while holding your nose!) My friend asked me if I wanted to go on an…
Feeling pawsitively Irish today! Happy St. Catrick’s Day! May your day be purrfectly lucky! Have a meowgical St. Paddy’s! Whisker me away to Ireland! Purrhaps a bit o’ luck will come our way! Feline lucky on St. Patrick’s Day! Time for a catnip shamrock shake! Irish you a pawsome day! Let’s get shamrocked and roll!…
When she’s mad and stomping around, you know she’s really “flaring up.” If she’s angry after dinner, does that mean she’s having a “meltdown” for dessert? When she loses a game, is it called “throwing a pouty”? An angry little girl doesn’t need a microphone, she is the microphone!” Going to bed without a bed…
Don’t worry, beer happy! It’s almost Guinness o’clock. You’re my lucky charm, and I shamrock the world you. Feelin’ green today? You might have a case of the Paddy-itis. It’s not good to press your luck, but I always Irish for more shamrockin’ fun. Don’t be a shillelagh-laggard, join the St. Patrick’s Day parade! Don’t worry, be clover! Good luck will find you eventually….
These pancakes are batter than ever! Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped out! What do you call a pancake after it does sit-ups? A waffle! What do you call a pancake that always wins races? A pan-cakewalk! What do you call a pancake that loves to party? A flapjacker! How do elves prefer their pancakes? In…
