“You’re such a twist in my plans, just like a pretzel.” “Pretzel logic: the art of tying things up in salty knots.” “Feeling twisted? Must be all those pretzels in your life.” “You must be a pretzel because you’re salty and hard to handle.” “Twist and shout! It’s pretzel time.” “Life’s too short for straight…
Why did the McDonald’s employee stare at the orange juice? Because it said, “Concentrate.” Their breakfast is served all day, because apparently healthy people don’t eat there.Feeling fancy? Order a McCafe beverage – it practically comes with a McPretentious price tag. At McDonald’s, even the lettuce is taking a leaf of absence. McDonald’s: where the…
“Is that a cucumber in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?” “I hear cucumbers are great for… refreshing experiences.” “Why settle for a pickle when you can have the whole cucumber?” “Some say cucumbers are best enjoyed… au naturel.” “A cucumber a day keeps the thirst at bay, if you know…
“Lettuce be honest, you’re just a loaf trying to make it in a gluten-free world.” “Oh, you think you’re hot stuff? More like lukewarm ham.” “You call that a sandwich? Even bread is embarrassed to be seen with you.” “Nice to meat you, but let’s be frank—you’re full of bologna.” “That’s one way to cut…
Two thugs walk into a restaurant. One says, “Hey, wise guy! Where’s the penne?” The other one looks around and whispers, “Forget about the penne, where’s the forke?” A rival family boss complains to Don Corleone, “Your goons keep leaving empty fusilli boxes in front of my store!” The Don calmly replies, “Consider it a…
I tried to open a milk carton with telekinesis, but I just ended up feeling a little powerless. I used to be lactose intolerant, but then I followed the cheese and everything changed. (Bonus points if you say this one while holding your nose!) My friend asked me if I wanted to go on an…
These pancakes are batter than ever! Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped out! What do you call a pancake after it does sit-ups? A waffle! What do you call a pancake that always wins races? A pan-cakewalk! What do you call a pancake that loves to party? A flapjacker! How do elves prefer their pancakes? In…
Let’s taco ’bout it. This is nacho average taco. Lettuce celebrate with tacos! You guac my world. Shell we dance? Only if it’s a taco dance. I’m feeling a bit saucy today. Taco chance on me. Let’s not burrito round the bush. Are you into fitness? Fit’ness taco in my mouth! It’s crunch time, bring…
I’m hole-y in love with donuts. What do you call a donut that knows magic? A hocus-pocus! What do you call a donut that won’t share? A selfish-made treat! Happiness is a warm donut. What do you call a donut detective? A glazehound! Donut kill my vibe! What do you call a donut that’s late? A tardy torte! I’m…
Why did the soup go to the doctor? It was feeling a little under the broth. What do you call a soup that performs tricks? A soup-erstar! How do you know when a soup is rich? When it’s loaded with 24-carrot gold. What’s a computer’s favorite soup? 010010 Why don’t secrets stay secret in soup?…
