“Ah, yes, a masterpiece! It’s abstract because I have no idea what it is.” “Every fridge is a gallery, and every parent is an art critic… who has to say they love it.” “Wow, another finger painting? I’m sure the third one today will be the one that really breaks through.” “This drawing is so…
“I asked the plumber if he could lower his rates. He said he would, but inflation is a real pipe dream!” “Plumbing: where the motto is, ‘We fix leaks, but not without a few more drip$!’” “If plumbers charged by the hour for their sense of humor, they’d all be billionaires!” “A plumber’s favorite exercise?…
“UFOs are just like my ex: they show up unannounced, cause a scene, and disappear without explanation.” “When aliens visit Earth, they probably look around and think, ‘We should lock our doors.’” “UFOs are proof that aliens look at Earth like it’s the weird neighbor’s house they avoid.” “I’m starting to think UFOs are just…
Being a girl with a big booty means never having to worry about falling – there’s always a built-in cushion! As a girl with a big booty, I don’t do sit-ups, I do sit-downs – because I make any chair look good! Having a big booty means I never lose at musical chairs. When I…
Ladies, we need to talk about love-bombing. You know, that overwhelming, all-consuming affection that starts out feeling like a fairytale but quickly turns into a circus of red flags. It’s when your new beau showers you with so much attention, you start wondering if he’s secretly sponsored by Hallmark. Sure, it’s nice to be appreciated,…
“Golf is a good walk spoiled.” – Mark Twain “I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s game: It’s called an eraser.” – Arnold Palmer “The only sure rule in golf is – he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie.” – Mickey Mantle “Golf is a…
“Do you know how to change a diaper? Because your diaper-changing skills might come in handy when babysitting me in my old age.” “If you could be any vegetable, which one would you be and why?” “What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve done to impress my daughter?” “Do you think you can beat me in…
“People say they love the truth, but tell them their new haircut looks like a mop and suddenly you’re the bad guy.” “Ever notice how nobody wants to be honest? Even if they just got stuck in traffic, they’ll concoct a tale about saving a kitten from a burning building.” “The truth: ‘I’m running late…
It was the year 2013, a trip to a new dollar store turned shocking when I noticed every product had a warning: “Contains chemicals known to the state of California to cause cancer and/or reproductive harm.” Even the cute pink socks were tainted with DEHP, a harmful chemical. This eye-opening experience led me to question…
“America: where you can get shot while learning about freedom and democracy in school.” “In America, you can dream of becoming anything you want, as long as it’s not debt-free.” “America, where the healthcare is expensive but the thoughts and prayers are always free.” “Welcome to America, the land of the free and the home…
