Welcome to the carnival of chaos, where the main attraction is living with a narcissist! Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, and behold the spectacle of emotional rollercoasters, mind-bending manipulation, and the never-ending quest for admiration!
- Manipulation Manor: Enter the twisted halls where mirrors aren’t the only things distorting reality. Watch in awe as the narcissist expertly manipulates situations to suit his own needs. Need a guilt trip? Gaslighting galore? Step right up and prepare to be mesmerized by their mastery of mind games!
- Empathy Evasion Exhibition: Witness the rare phenomenon of empathy evaporation! Marvel at the utter lack of care or concern for others as the narcissist bulldozes through emotions like a wrecking ball through a china shop. Careful not to get too close, folks, or you might catch a case of emotional frostbite!
- Criticism Castle: Behold the fortress of fault-finding! Watch as the narcissist expertly dismantles self-esteem with razor-sharp critiques. Need a confidence boost? Look elsewhere, because in this castle, compliments are rarer than a unicorn sighting!
- Emotional Rollercoaster Ride: Buckle up, thrill-seekers, for the ride of your life! Experience the highs of false flattery and the stomach-churning lows of silent treatment. Keep your hands and feet inside the car at all times, because this ride stops for no one!
- Eggshell Walkway: Take a stroll down the delicate path of eggshells, where every word is a potential landmine. Watch your step, folks, and pray that you don’t set off an explosion of narcissistic rage!
- Appreciation Abyss: Plummet into the depths of the appreciation abyss, where gratitude goes to die. Witness the tragic tale of unrequited efforts as the narcissist hoards praise like a dragon guarding its treasure.
- Isolation Island: Castaway on the lonely shores of Isolation Island! Watch as the narcissist builds walls around their victims, cutting them off from friends and family like a dictator sealing off a nation’s borders.
- Drainpipe of Despair: Brace yourselves for the final descent into the drainpipe of despair! Feel the weight of exhaustion, frustration, and existential dread as you spiral into the abyss of living with a narcissist.
So there you have it, folks! Step right up and experience the thrill of a lifetime as you navigate the treacherous terrain of life with a narcissist. Just remember to hold onto your sanity and never forget to laugh, because in this funhouse of dysfunction, the only way out is through humor!
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the slickest of them all? Oh, it's me, of course, no need to call. I'm handsome and charming, smooth as can be, spinning my tales, all believe in me. They dance and they sing, just as I please, mere puppets I control with the greatest of ease. Ah, look how they stumble, blinded by charm, while I, the maestro, cause no harm. My words, like honey, they can't resist, a master of lies, I twist and twist. "It's for their own good," I smugly say, as I plot and scheme to get my way. They're lucky, really, to bask in my glow, how they survived without me, I'll never know. I’m quick, I’m witty, I’m adored by all, every room I grace, I stand tall. Critics? Please, they're just confused, jealous of the brilliance they've refused. So here's to me, the unparalleled star, living my life, near and far. For who needs truth when you've got charm, safe and sound, away from harm?
Narcs should have the word NARC tattooed across their forehead as a warning 
Let the Games Begin
In the mirror, I see a man of power,
She thinks she can challenge me? She’ll cower.
Her ignorance fuels my righteous wrath,
I’ll teach her a lesson on my chosen path.
She dares to question my authority,
But soon she’ll learn the cost of her audacity.
I’ll manipulate her like a puppet on strings,
And revel in the destruction that it brings.
Her confusion only strengthens my resolve,
As I plot her downfall, problem to solve.
She’ll rue the day she crossed my path,
For I’ll crush her dreams with my righteous wrath.
Let her tremble, let her fear,
For in the end, it’s me she’ll hold dear.
I’ll break her down, then rebuild her anew,
A testament to the power that I imbue.
So let the games begin, I’ll play my part,
And watch as she falls, torn apart.
For in this battle of wills, I’ll emerge the victor,
And she’ll learn that challenging me was never wiser.
“I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.”
“Narcissists always know the answer before you’ve even finished the question – they’re just that efficient.”
“When the narc said ‘I’m sorry,’ I asked, ‘For what?’ They said, ‘That you misunderstood my perfection.'”
“If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.”
“Narcissists would never admit to being wrong because, well, they’ve never been wrong.”
“Behind every great narc is… themselves, patting their own back.”
“Narcissists are the center of their own universe – even the sun revolves around them.”
“They say, ‘You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.’ Narcs believe, ‘You can’t teach anyone anything.'”
Living With A Narc Is Not Funny, But These Jokes Are!
Dating a narcissist is like using a GPS that only directs you back to them. “Did you want to go to ‘Self-Care Avenue’? Rerouting to ‘His Ego Lane’!”
I bought my narc a selfie stick. Now he can stick to what he does best: capturing his love affair with himself.
Welcome to “Cooking with a Narcissist.” Today’s recipe: a pie chart of our relationship. 99% his needs, 1% “What are your needs again?”
My boyfriend wrote me a letter. It was all about how lucky I am to have him.
Today’s forecast: Cloudy with a 100% chance of him talking about himself.
What do you get for surviving a relationship with a narcissist? A medal for bravery, a PhD in psychology, and an honorary degree in mind reading.
Went shopping with my boyfriend. He said, “What about my needs?” I replied, “Don’t worry, this mirror is for both of us.”
Arguing with a narcissist is like competing in the emotional Olympics, where they win gold in every category, and you’re just honored to participate.
Tried playing hide and seek with my boyfriend… and a suitcase. I didn’t think he would die! – Sarah Boone
Today’s mood: Trying to find my “give a fuck” button. Spoiler: It’s been on vacation longer than he’s been unfaithful. #TiredOfHisLies ?
His workout of the day: Jumping to conclusions, running from problems, and expecting me to lift his spirits. Wait, fuck that, I’m not his emotional gym. #SelfCareFirst ???
Blocked him with the same finger I had in his ass ?
I ain’t better than nobody but I am too good for certain shit and I stand by that ??
What’s it Like Living with Him…
Living with him, what a delight,
His ego so vast, it blocks out the light.
Every word he speaks, a twisted game,
Playing with my mind, it’s always the same.
Gaslighting like a pro, he’ll turn it around,
Making me doubt my feet on solid ground.
His lies flow like a river, neverending stream,
But when caught, it’s like a bad dream.
Manipulation’s his art, he’s mastered the skill,
Leaving me wondering, what’s even real?
With every move, he’s pulling the strings,
Leaving me tangled in his schemes and things.
Living with him, it’s a circus act,
Where truth is fiction, and fiction’s a fact.
But through the chaos, I find my way,
Laughing at his games, come what may.
When The Narc Has You Down, Let These Jokes Lift You Up
- Why did the narcissist break up with his girl on the internet?
- He couldn’t handle someone else getting more “likes.”
- How does a narcissist change a lightbulb?
- They don’t. They use gaslighting instead.
- What’s a narcissist’s favorite learning style?
- Mirror, mirror on the wall.
- Why did the narcissist attend the art class?
- He heard it was a “self-portrait” session.
- How do you sink a narcissist’s ship?
- Hit him with a tidal wave of truth.
The Closeted Narcissist: A Satirical Tale of all Tales
Once upon a time, in the land of “I’m Too Good For This,” lived a man so enamored with himself, he believed the sun needed his permission to rise. Let’s call him Sir Talks-a-Lot. Sir Talks-a-Lot had a secret—a secret so profound, it could only be whispered to the mirrors that adored him daily: “I might be the king of my own world, but I’m also the queen.”
Enter our heroine, Lady Stays-in-Bed, a damsel not in distress but in disbelief. She was trapped in a castle ruled by Sir Talks-a-Lot, where the only dragons were his fiery accusations, and the knights were his multiple personalities, each more charmingly self-absorbed than the last.
Sir Talks-a-Lot’s favorite pastime was jousting with his own reflection, battling tirelessly to prove who was the fairest of them all. “Behold,” he would declare, “for I am both the beauty and the beast.” Meanwhile, Lady Stays-in-Bed couldn’t even venture to the village market without being accused of courting other suitors, or worse, being called a witch for conjuring the audacity to suggest he might listen for once.
But our Lady had a secret weapon, a magical device known as Wit. With it, she could see through Sir Talks-a-Lot’s armor of arrogance, revealing the scared little boy inside who once confessed his love for both the knights and the damsels of the tales.
One day, as Sir Talks-a-Lot was preparing for his daily parade of self-praise, Lady Stays-in-Bed said, “Oh mighty Sir, perhaps today we could venture beyond the mirror and explore the mystical land of Empathy?”
To which Sir Talks-a-Lot gasped, “Empathy? Is that beyond the Valley of My Achievements? Never heard of it.”
“Yes,” she replied with a smile, “it’s just past the Forest of Listening. Though, I hear it’s a realm where not even the bravest of narcissists dare to tread.”
And so, our saga continues, with Lady Stays-in-Bed wielding her Wit and Patience, hoping one day Sir Talks-a-Lot might embark on the greatest quest of all—discovering that the world doesn’t revolve around him, and that true bravery comes from facing oneself, not from battling shadows in the mirror.
More Funny Narcissist Jokes
Why don’t narcissists ever sink? Because they’re too full of themselves!
What’s a narcissist’s favorite game? Mirror, mirror on the wall.
How does a narc change a lightbulb? He just holds it in place while the world revolves around him.
What’s a narcissist’s idea of a balanced relationship? One where he talks and you listen.
Why don’t narcissists like to study history? Because there’s no “me” in history.
What does a narc bring on a date? A fake persona.
How do you know if a narcissist is lying? His lips are moving.
Why did the narcissist attend art class? To learn how to draw more attention to himself.
How does a narcissist practice self-love? By justifying everything he does and blaming everything on you.
What’s a narcissist’s life motto? “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?” But literally.
Why don’t narcissists get lost? They believe all roads lead to themselves.
What’s a narc’s favorite workout? Flexing his ego.
Why do narcissists make bad detectives? They always find themselves at the scene of the crime.
How do you get a narc to listen to you? You don’t.
What’s a narcissist’s favorite subject? “Me-ology.”
Why don’t narcissists play hide and seek? Good luck hiding when the world revolves around you.
How many narcissists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. He just holds the bulb and expects the universe to revolve around him.
Jokes From a Fed Up Woman
The Disappearing Act: “Anyone seen my self-esteem lately? Pretty sure it vanished last time I disagreed with my husband about the color of the sky.”
The “Me” Show: “Thinking about starting a podcast. It’ll just be 24/7 recordings of my husband talking about himself. Bound to be a hit.”
Gaslighting Galore: “Thinking of getting a “participation trophy” engraved for my husband. You know, for always managing to twist reality into a pretzel.”
The Transformation: “Remember when I used to cry over your insults? Now, I do yoga. The only thing stretching these days is my patience… and my hamstrings.”
The Detective: “He thinks he’s being slick with his lies. Little does he know, I’ve been solving mysteries he hasn’t even created yet.”
The Lie Detector: “He lies so much, I’m thinking of adding ‘professional lie detector’ to my resume. Skills include: deciphering fiction, translating narcissist, and advanced eye-rolling.”
The Comedian: “He tried to break my confidence again. Joke’s on him; I’ve been using his critiques as material for my stand-up routine. I call it ‘Narcissist Whisperer: Comedy Edition.'”
The Magician: “Watching him try to manipulate is like watching a bad magician. I already know how the trick is done, and the rabbit’s been sitting on his lap the whole time.”
The Banker: “Saving money to leave is like collecting coins in a video game. Each time I add to my ‘Escape Fund,’ I hear that ‘level up’ sound in my head.”
The Strategist: “Plotting the grand finale is like planning a surprise party. Except the surprise is on him, and the only guests are his ego and reality.”
The Scientist: “Studying his behavior has made me an unofficial expert in narcissism. I’m thinking of publishing a paper titled ‘The Evolution of the Ego: Survival of the Kindest.'”
The Mirror: “He said something hurtful, trying to break me down. It bounced off me and hit him so hard, he had to check the mirror to make sure he wasn’t bleeding.”
The Escape Artist: “Preparing to leave him is like rehearsing for a magic act. And for my next trick, I’ll disappear, and his ego will be left holding the cape.”
Stay strong ladies. It’s NOT in your head. Don’t EVER doubt yourself again.
We want your submissions!
Leave us a comment or two!
Why did the narcissist cross the road?
He didn’t. He just said that he did.
He never crossed the road ever in his whole life. You’re crazy!