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    The Puppet’s Revenge: Laughing at Coercive Control

    Coercive Controlling Partner Jokes

    “Coercive control in a relationship: It’s like having a personal assistant who hates you and wants you to fail.”

    “Living with him be like: ‘Sorry, you can’t wear that. Why? Because I said so. Now, let’s get you something that screams ‘I have no control over my life.'”

    “He loves ignoring me when I’m dressed up, but when I’m in sweats and not in the mood, suddenly he’s Casanova. Timing is everything, right?”

    “He says he’s my biggest supporter. Strange, because I always feel so unsupported.”

    “Date night suggestion from a coercive partner: ‘How about we stay in and I tell you why you can’t see your friends anymore?'”

    “He said I shouldn’t wear makeup. I told him it’s not for other people, it’s just to cope with seeing his face every day.”

    “What do you call a coercive controller with a sense of fashion? A nightmare in designer clothes.”

    “He said he controls the finances because I’m bad with money. Newsflash: I’m only bad with money because he never lets me have any!”

    “He told me what to wear, where to go, and who to see. So, naturally, I told him where to go… .”

    “He thinks my makeup is for someone else. Newsflash: It’s for me, so I don’t look like I feel when I’m around him.”

    “He treats my phone like it’s the enemy. I keep it on silent now. Less drama, more sanity.”

    “My life’s new motto: ‘If he can control it, he will.’ Sadly, that includes my sanity.”

    “When he said he’d take care of me, I didn’t realize he meant taking care of every single aspect of my life…”

    “He always makes sex about him. Maybe I should start charging by the hour. At least then I’d feel like I’m getting something out of it.”

    “He said he’s protecting me from bad influences. Funny, because the worst influence in my life is him.”

    “Dealing with coercive control: It’s like playing ‘Simon Says,’ except Simon never shuts up.”

    “He makes all the decisions because he ‘knows best.’ Yep, knows best how to make my life miserable.”

    “Whenever I want to try something new in bed, he acts like I suggested we move to Mars. Guess what, buddy? Mars would be an improvement.”

    “When he says ‘I love you,’ what he really means is ‘I love controlling you.'”

    “My husband said he wanted to take care of all the bills. Turns out, he wanted to take care of all my freedom too.”

    “He always wants to know where I am. So, I told him I’m lost… lost my patience, lost my freedom, and definitely lost my mind.”

    “He said I shouldn’t get all dressed up because it sends the wrong message. I told him the only message it sends is ‘I still like myself.'”

    “He controls the TV remote, my wardrobe, and even my friends list. Next, he’ll be telling me what to think!”

    “He says he’s just trying to help me make better decisions. My decision to leave is already looking pretty good.”

    “Any time my phone buzzes, he acts like it’s a secret lover. Newsflash: It’s just Candy Crush.”

    “Every time he asks, ‘Who are you getting dressed up for?’ I think, ‘Definitely not you, with that attitude.'”

    “Coercive control is like being grounded forever, except you didn’t do anything wrong.”

    “When I’m in a good mood and looking nice, he ignores me. But catch me on laundry day, and suddenly he’s got ideas. Too bad, so sad.”

    “He asked why I keep my phone on silent. I told him it’s so I don’t have to hear his accusations. Much quieter that way.”

    “Whenever I suggest something new in bed, he looks at me like I asked him to run a marathon. Maybe if he put in half that effort, it’d be more fun.”

    “Life with a coercive partner: It’s like living in a dictatorship, but without the parades.”

    “He tells me what to eat, wear, and say. So, naturally, I started referring to him as ‘Mom.'”

    “I asked him why he keeps track of every penny I spend. He said it’s because he values me. Funny, I always thought it was because he’s cheap.”

    “Living with him is like being in a bad reality show. ‘Survivor: Coercive Control Island.’ No prize, just emotional exhaustion.”

    “Whenever I make plans, he’s like a human cancel button. ‘Oh, you wanted to have fun? Cancelled!'”

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