Two thugs walk into a restaurant. One says, “Hey, wise guy! Where’s the penne?” The other one looks around and whispers, “Forget about the penne, where’s the forke?”
A rival family boss complains to Don Corleone, “Your goons keep leaving empty fusilli boxes in front of my store!” The Don calmly replies, “Consider it a warning. They could have been filled with cannoli.”
Why did the mob boss get thrown out of the Italian restaurant? He kept asking the waiter to “whack” his fly.
You can’t trust a restaurant that doesn’t respect your pastabilities.
I hear the new mafia restaurant is to die for. They serve “killer” marinara.
My cousin Vinnie’s got a new protection racket going. He’s shaking down all the local ravioli shops.
“Hey, forget about it, unless we’re talking about al dente spaghetti—then remember it, capisce?”
“I told Vinny he needed to pasta sauce the boss’s expectations. He thought I meant literally.”
“You know you’re in a tough mafia family when even the ravioli has a mean streak.”
“When the Godfather says ‘break a leg,’ he’s probably talking about a linguine noodle, not a theater performance.”
“Our family’s so serious about pasta, we have a ‘spaghetti code’ for all our secret operations.”
“Forget cement shoes, I’ll take a plate of fettuccine Alfredo to weigh down the snitches.”
“If we don’t get our cut, we might have to resort to some noodle-based negotiations. You don’t wanna see us get saucy.”
“We’ve got more twists and turns than a bowl of fusilli—both in our schemes and our pasta dishes.”
“When it comes to loyalty, we’re tighter than a well-cooked tortellini.”
“Our boss is as intimidating as a lasagna fresh out of the oven—layers upon layers of power and cheese.”
“You mess with the linguine, you get the colander.”
“Our spaghetti is so good, it’s practically a weapon of mass ‘de-liciousness.'”
“We don’t need guns when we’ve got cannoli-filled ravioli!”
“When in doubt, sauce it out. That’s our motto in the pasta business.”
“The only thing sharper than our suits is the parmesan grater.”
“We run our operations smoother than a perfectly cooked strand of angel hair.”
“Our pasta’s so irresistible, even the rival families come to us for dinner.”
“You gotta be as flexible as cooked spaghetti to survive in this business.”
“I’m not saying the mafioso is bad at cooking, but his pasta always ends up in ‘penne-tration’.”
“When the mafia boss makes spaghetti, he ensures it’s ‘al dente’—anything less is a ‘crime’.”
“You don’t want to know what happens to people who undercook the ‘fusilli’.”
“The mafia’s favorite pasta? ‘Fusilli-vanish’.”
“We don’t make threats, we make lasagna promises.”
“Forget about the horse’s head, leave ’em a plate of overcooked penne. That’ll really send a message.”
“The Godfather’s favorite pasta? ‘Capo-cinelli’.”
“If you cross the don, you’ll find yourself in ‘a lot of hot water’—just like his tortellini.”
“Every mafioso knows the secret to a perfect pasta sauce is a ‘pinch of intimidation’.”
“When the boss is angry, everyone ‘cavatappi’ to make things right.”
“Mess with the recipe, and you’ll be swimming with the ‘linguine’.”
“The capo’s pasta never sticks to the pan, but rivals do.”
