I’m reading a book on the history of golf. It’s about time I got to the green roots of the sport.
Golfers have the perfect drive on and off the course.
I used to play golf, but I found it was just a lot of holes in one theory.
Why do golfers always carry two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one.
Golf and taxes are similar – you drive hard to get to the green, and then you end up in the hole.
That golf course was so difficult, it felt like it was putterly impossible to win.
Golf is the only sport where the goal is to play as little as possible.
I knew a golfer who brought his clubs to a bar. He wanted to get a hole-in-one drink.
Golf balls are like eggs. They’re white, sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy more.
The golf course is the only place where I try to avoid the woods.
Golfers have a hard time with relationships because they know they can do better next time.
A golfer’s favorite dance move is the swing.
My golf game is improving – I don’t hit it into the water anymore. I know exactly which fish will steal my ball.
After all these years of golf, my conclusion is the most dangerous lie is the one your ball is on.
Golfers don’t get mad, they just get tee’d off.
A good golf partner is one who’s always slightly worse than you are… that’s why I get so many invitations to play.
Playing golf early in the morning really spoils my aim for the rest of the day.
They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.
My golf instructor told me to stay out of the water. But my balls seem to be attracted to it.
Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly, and the golfers lie well.
Hilarious Jokes About Golfers
Why do golfers always carry a spare pair of trousers? In case they get a hole in one!
What’s a golfer’s favorite letter? Tee.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
What do you call a lion playing golf? Roaring success.
How do you make a golf ball smile? Tee it up!
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
What’s the problem with playing golf with a basketball player? They dribble before they shoot!
Why are golfers like fisherman? They both love to tell tales about the one that got away.
Why did the golfer carry an extra shirt? In case he got a hole in one.
What’s a golfer’s favorite bird? An eagle!
Why did the golfer change his socks? Because he had a hole in one.
What do you call a golfer who loses all of his balls? A club thrower.
How is golf similar to taxes? You drive hard to get to the green, and then end up in the hole.
What did the golfer do after he won the tournament? He went clubbing!
Why are bad golfers like bad skydivers? They both end up in the hazards.
What do you call a group of golfers in a circle? A tee party!
Why did the golfer bring a ladder to the course? He heard it was up to par.
How can you tell if a golfer is happy? He’s beaming from tee to green.
Why do golfers hate cake? Because they might get a slice.
What did the golfer say to his girlfriend? “You’re the perfect caddie because you always carry my heart.”
Funny Slogans For Golf Fans
“I like big putts and I cannot lie.”
“Golf: Because therapy is expensive.”
“May the course be with you.”
“Driver carries no cash, just tees.”
“Swing hard, in case you hit it.”
“Fore-ever trying to find my ball.”
“Eat. Sleep. Golf. Repeat. (Preferably in that order.)”
“I’d tap that… onto the green.”
“Golf: A five-mile walk ruined by a little white ball.”
“My golf game is a lot like my phone: never fully charged.”
“Not all those who wander are lost, some are just looking for their ball.”
“World’s okayest golfer.”
“Golf and alcohol: because no great story started with a salad.”
“Is it too late to take up bowling?”
“I’m only here for the cart and beer.”
“Happiness is a long walk with a putter.”
“Who needs luck when you’ve got skill…said no golfer ever.”
“Weekend forecast: golf with a slight chance of humility.”
“Keep calm and pretend it’s on the fairway.”
“I’ve been called worse on the golf course.”
