Caution:
Dark humor relies on finding humor in sensitive topics. It’s best to use these jokes with caution and only with people who share your sense of humor. Consider if the potential for offense outweighs the humor before telling a joke.
Sure, I’ve got a joke for you! Why is it pointless for orphans play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when you’re never truly wanted! ???
Why was the orphan and the blind kid best friends? Because neither can see their parents.
Why did the orphan hate puzzles? Because they suck at finding pieces that fit, just like they suck at fitting in with their family!
I heard your crackhead mother finally quit using, unlike your dad who’s stuck in the past playing 8-bit Nintendo.
Why are orphans always in debt? Because they’re all a lone.
Here’s another one! Why did the orphan put his money in the bank? Because he wanted to make sure his assets were well taken care of, unlike himself!
Why did the orphan take up painting? He heard it was a great way to express his abandonment issues! ???
Why did the orphan take up a life a crime? Because he wanted to be wanted.
Why did the orphan go to therapy? To learn how to cope with the constant fear of being replaced!
Why did the orphan lose all his money playing poker? He didn’t recognize a full house.
Why do orphans despise baseball? Because they don’t have a home to run to.
If you’re ever having a bad day, remember it could be worse, you could be an orphan.
Why did they leave out the “F” in the word “orphan”? Because the “F” stands for family.
Why was the orphan upset when I refused to change the channel on the TV? Because I was watching Family Matters.
Why wasn’t the orphans website getting any traffic? Because it didn’t have a home page.
When did the orphan stop taking selfies? When they realized they double as a family photo.
Orphan: “Did you know your parents?” Me: “Nope, but I’m guessing they regret not using protection.”
Orphan: “They tell me I have abandonment issues” Me: “No wonder, given that even your parents couldn’t stick around.”
Even that fat little orphan boy has a better love life than you, since he’s hugging a teddy bear and you’re hugging your sad, lonely pillow.
Why are there so many orphans these days? Well, it’s probably because people are too busy swiping right on dating apps to spend time raising their own kids. Blame Tinder, not fate.
Why did the orphan cross the road? Cuz he was like the little bird asking everyone “are you my mother?”
Why don’t orphans play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when you’re constantly under the watchful eye of social workers.
How many orphans does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes a whole team of social workers to make sure he doesn’t electrocute himself.
Ironic Adoption Jokes
Why did the orphan say he was excited to be adopted? Because he couldn’t wait to trade in his loving group home for a life of abuse and neglect.
What did the orphan say when he found out he was getting adopted? “Great, I can’t wait to be the personal slave of a wealthy family who only wants me for my labor.”
How do you organize a chaos-free sports day in an orphanage? With a visit from the “Child Services Separation Team”… they’re really good at dividing and conquering!
Why did the orphan say he was looking forward to his new family? Because he was tired of having caring social workers and was ready for some real neglect.
What did the orphan say when he got his new parents? “I couldn’t be happier to trade in my stable home life for a revolving door of abusive step-parents.”
Why did the orphan say he was excited to be adopted? Because he couldn’t wait to be the butt of all his new family’s jokes and the subject of their constant criticism.
Cliché-subverting Jokes About Orphans
Why did the orphan say he didn’t want to be adopted? Because he was tired of hearing the same old “rags to riches” story and wanted to make his own path.
What did the orphan say when he found out he was getting adopted? “Finally, I can’t wait to be the most miserable kid in the world instead of just the most miserable kid in the group home.”
Why did the orphan say he didn’t want to leave the orphanage? Because he loved the stability and predictability of his current situation, and didn’t want to risk it for a new family.
What did the orphan say when he got his new parents? “I couldn’t be happier to trade in my loving group home for a life of constant disappointment and heartbreak.”
Why did the orphan say he was excited to be adopted? Because he was tired of being the hero of every story and wanted to be the villain for once.
Jokes About Orphans Living in an Orphanage
“In this orphanage, we’re all family. That means no one gets out of doing the dishes, not even if you can sing like Annie.”
“Our bedtime stories are the best. They start with ‘Once upon a time’ and end with ‘someday, your real family comes’. I’m thinking of adding, ‘and they bring pizza.'”
“I told my friend I live in a shared space with communal dining. Sounds fancy, doesn’t it? It’s just a fancy way of saying ‘orphanage.'”
“You know you’re in an orphanage when your version of a family tree is more like a brainstorming web.”
“I asked for a pet dog once. They gave me a stuffed one and said it was hypoallergenic. On the plus side, it’s also immortal.”
“We have a talent show every year. It’s less ‘America’s Got Talent’ and more ‘Who Can Make the Best Macaroni Art.'”
“Laundry day here is like a treasure hunt. You never know what you’ll find in the pockets, but you’re pretty sure it’s not money.”
“They say sharing is caring. In that case, we’re the most caring bunch you’ll ever meet. Especially when it comes to sharing colds.”
“I told a friend I was learning to share, compromise, and mediate conflicts. They asked if I was in a leadership program. I said, ‘No, I’m in an orphanage.'”
“In here, you don’t just get hand-me-down clothes; you get hand-me-down names. Yesterday, I answered to ‘Hey, you!’ five times. I think it suits me.”
Trouble in The Boys Home
“In our home, ‘troublemaker’ is just another word for ‘innovative play strategist.’ I’m currently leading in innovation points.”
“I asked for a wake-up call, and they gave me a roommate with a trumpet. Joke’s on them; I’m now the proud conductor of the 6 AM brass band.”
“Our motto here is ‘Boys will be boys, and janitors will be mad.’ I’m thinking of starting a support group for the brooms.”
“You haven’t lived until you’ve turned the dining hall into a pirate ship. The captain made me walk the plank, straight into kitchen duty.”
“I told them I wanted to learn about leadership. They made me the head of the ‘Keep Off the Grass’ enforcement committee. Power at last!”
“We have a system for borrowing clothes. It’s called ‘finders keepers.’ My wardrobe is now 90% accidental acquisitions.”
“They say teamwork makes the dream work. That’s why it took four of us to ‘relocate’ the principal’s car. Team building at its finest.”
“Ever tried to create the world’s biggest bubble gum bubble? Let’s just say, we’re still finding bits of it in places we didn’t know existed.”
“I’m not saying I’m the reason we have surprise room inspections, but let’s just say, they were a lot less frequent before my science experiments.”
“Our home is the birthplace of the ‘Great Cookie Heist.’ It was like a bank heist, but crunchier. Our loot was delicious.”
Cute Knock Knock Orphan Jokes
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive us here are like one big family, no matter where we come from!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Howard.
Howard who?
Howard you like to be part of our family game night?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Annie.
Annie who?
Annie body can make a difference, just by being a friend.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Justin.
Justin who?
Justin time for dinner, the best part of the day when we all share stories!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Doris.
Doris who?
Doris open for everyone here, just like our hearts!
