Why don’t monkeys use pocket watches? Because they believe in “ape-solute” timing!
What do you call a monkey that loves potato chips? A chipmunk!
Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal!
What do you call a monkey in a minefield? A baboom!
Why did the monkey get lost in the jungle? Because the jungle is massive, and he didn’t have Google Maps!
How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey!
Why did the monkey put a piece of steak on his head? He thought he was a grilla!
What do you call an angry monkey? Furious George!
Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!
What do you call a monkey with a wand? Hairy Potter!
Why did the monkey like the baseball team? Because they were great at swinging!
What do you call a monkey who loves dance music? A jungle-ist!
How do monkeys make toast? They put it under the gorilla!
Why couldn’t the monkey win the race? Because he couldn’t find the right “gear”!
What do you call a monkey who loves to climb mountains? Ape-lachian!
Why did the banana go out with the monkey? Because it found him a-peeling!
What do you call a restaurant that throws food in your face? A monkey buffet!
How do you catch a monkey? Climb a tree and act like a banana!
Why was the monkey always smiling? Because it was in de-nile about its banana addiction!
Jokes About Baboons
Why don’t baboons ever use computers? They’re afraid of the internet’s cookies; they can’t find any to eat!
What do you call a baboon who loves to dance? A b-boon!
Why was the baboon always invited to parties? Because he was the life of the troop!
What do you call a baboon with a banana in each ear? Anything you want – he can’t hear you!
Why did the baboon break up with his girlfriend? He found her peeling around with another monkey!
What’s a baboon’s favorite game to play at the zoo? Ape-ril fools.
Why did the baboon go to the bank? To invest in the banana stock market!
What do you call a baboon who’s a detective? Sherlock Holmes in animal fur – he always gets his mandrill!
Why don’t baboons play hide and seek with humans? Because the humans always monkey around and never find them!
Why was the baboon always calm? Because he knew how to not give a baboo-damn about problems!
Jokes About Owning a Pet Monkey
Why did I get a pet monkey? Because I thought my life needed more bananas!
I told my pet monkey he couldn’t come to the dinner table. Now he’s calling me an ape-thiest.
My pet monkey stole my phone and now he’s making prank calls. I guess you could say he’s a real primate prankster.
Teaching my monkey to play video games was a mistake. Now he throws a fit when he loses, and I’m running out of controllers!
My pet monkey is better at social media than I am. He gets more likes on his selfies, and all he ever posts are bananas!
I asked my pet monkey to help me with my chores. He just looked at me and said, “I’m not your personal cheetah!”
Having a pet monkey is like living with a tiny acrobat. You never know when you’ll find him hanging from the chandelier!
I tried to play hide and seek with my pet monkey. Turns out, he’s the reigning champion of the jungle gym.
My monkey learned how to open the fridge. Now every night is a midnight snack raid. He’s turning into a real chunky monkey!
Why don’t I play cards with my pet monkey anymore? Because he’s always got an ace up his sleeve. Literally, I don’t know how he does it.
