Why did Putin go to school? To take it over”.
Why doesn’t Putin get cold? Because he’s always Russian around.
What’s Putin’s favorite food? Russian Roulette.
Why did Putin go to space? To establish the first “dictator-ship” in orbit.
How does Putin like his opponents? Well-beaten.
Why doesn’t Putin lose in chess? Because he always plays the “Tsar” castling.
What’s Putin’s favorite game? Monopoly – he never lets anyone else have any property.
Why does Putin never laugh at jokes? Because he’s always Putin on a serious face.
What’s Putin’s least favorite band? The Who, because he prefers The What, The When, and The Where.
How does Putin make his coffee? Crimea River.
Why did Putin go to art class? To learn how to draw borders.
What’s Putin’s favorite TV show? “Game of Drones.”
Why does Putin avoid the kitchen? He can’t stand the heat of the “cold war.”
How does Putin keep fit? By running over his opponents.
What’s Putin’s favorite magic trick? Making political opponents disappear.
Why did Putin join the choir? He wanted to control the high notes as well.
What’s Putin’s favorite hobby? Fishing – for compliments and territories.
Why is Putin bad at geometry? He can’t define boundaries.
What does Putin wear to sleep? Pajama-roff (a play on Tsar Nicholas II’s family name, Romanov).
How does Putin write his autobiography? By rewriting history.
Fun Riddle: Answer = Putin
Riddle:
I am a leader, but not in the West,
In a large land, I am considered the best.
Not a king, nor a president in traditional view,
But hold power as if the throne were true.
My name’s a puzzle, a game of the mind,
Start with what you do, when you leave fears behind.
Add the act, when understanding a clue,
Combine them together, for the answer true.
Hints:
- The first part of my name is what you do when you’re not afraid to move forward or take action. It’s the opposite of ‘pull.’
- The second part of my name is what you say when you suddenly understand something, an “aha” moment but shorter, often used in texting.
- I am known for my long tenure and influence over my large, transcontinental country.
The solution is hidden within your courage and your realization. Who am I?
Funny Twitter Tweets About Putin with Hashtags
Just checked my calendar and realized it’s Praise Putin Day again. Oh wait, that’s every day on Russian state TV. #GroundhogDay
Breaking news: Putin wins another fair and free election! In other news, water is wet and the sky is blue. #SurpriseSurprise
Putin’s new fitness DVD: Ride, Hide, and Seek Power – comes with a free annexation map. #TotalBodyTakeover
In a surprising turn of events, Putin criticizes Putin for not being Putin enough. More on this developing story. #Putinception
I asked my magic 8-ball if Putin would ever relax his grip on power. It said Outlook not so good. Even inanimate objects know. #CrystalBallPolitics
Putin’s latest reality show idea: Keeping Up with the Kremlin. Spoiler: It’s just 24/7 footage of him riding horses. #MustSeeTV
Ever noticed how Putin never seems to age? Must be that special brand of democratic water they have in the Kremlin. #FountainOfYouth
Heard Putin is writing a book on democratic elections. Chapter 1: How to Win Friends and Influence People. Chapter 2: Just Kidding. #Bestseller
