Why did the pirate fail his navigation exam? He couldn’t find the starboard side!
What’s a pirate’s favorite type of music? Rum & Bass, of course!
How did the pirate get his parrot to stay quiet? He gave him the cold shoulder!
What do you call a pirate who loves maps? A chart-topper! (Bonus points for singing it in a pirate voice)
Why did the pirate get arrested? He was caught stealing from a stationary store – he was after all the pens!
What do you call a pirate who’s always late? A procrastinatorr!
Why did the pirate go to the dentist? He needed a root canal… for his parrot!
What do you call a pirate who gambles away all his gold? A buccaneer-upt!
What’s the difference between a pirate and a comma? A pirate has a hook, but a comma has a clause. (This one’s a bit of a stretch, but hey, pirates!)
Why did the pirate quit his job at the seafood restaurant? He kept getting shellfish from customers!
What did the pirate say to the mermaid? “Nice coral, what’s your kraken?”
What do you call a pirate who only steals from candy stores? A Sweet Tooth Terror!
Why shouldn’t you play poker with a pirate? They’re always standing on the deck!
What did the pirate say when his ship hit an iceberg? “Aye, that’s the cold shoulder!”
How do you know a pirate is telling the truth? His lips are moving!
What do you call a pirate who likes to skip school? Captain Hooky!
Why did the pirate bury his treasure 18 inches deep? Because booty is only shin deep!
What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? Arrr!
What do you call a pirate who can juggle cannons? A swashbuckler!
Even More Funny Pirate Jokes and Puns
Why do pirates make terrible singers? Because they can’t hit the high C’s!
Why did the pirate go to therapy? Because he had deep-seated anchor issues.
What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You’d think it’s R, but it be the C they love!
How do pirates prefer to communicate? Aye to aye!
Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
What do you call a pirate with two eyes, two hands, and two legs? A rookie.
Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank? They’ll just wash up on shore later.
What’s a pirate’s least favorite vegetable? Leeks!
How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook? An arm and a leg.
What do you call a pirate who steals from the rich and gives to the poor? Robin Hook.
Why did the pirate break up with his girlfriend? Because she couldn’t handle his ship.
What’s a pirate’s favorite type of exercise? The plank!
Why are pirates great fishermen? Because they have the hook up.
What do you get when you cross a pirate with a zucchini? A squashbuckler.
Why did the pirate refuse to say “Yes”? Because he thought it was an “aye” too far.
How do pirates like their steaks? On a good day, marooned.
Why do pirates carry swords? Because swords can’t walk.
What did the ocean say to the pirate? Nothing, it just waved.
Why did the pirate buy an eyepatch? Because he couldn’t afford an iPad.
What do you call a pirate with a full set of teeth? A liar.
How do pirates know that they are pirates? They think, therefore they ARRR.
What’s a pirate’s favorite movie? Booty and the Beast.
Why do pirates avoid alphabet soup? They get lost at “C.”
How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheaply? It was on sail.
Why do pirates make excellent fishermen? Because they know how to hook the booty.
What’s a pirate’s favorite part of a song? The hook!
Why did the pirate go to college? To improve his arrrrticulation.
What do you call a pirate who likes to skip school? Captain Hooky.
Why did the pirate refuse to play cards with the ocean? Because he heard it was a cheat.
And finally, why don’t pirates like to go to strip clubs? Because they already have all the booty!
20 Pirate Slogans to Use for Whatever You Like
“Pirates: Because ‘Professional Treasure Hunter’ didn’t fit on the business cards.”
“Work like a captain, play like a pirate, and nap like you’ve just raided the Spanish Main.”
“Keep calm and say ‘Arrr.'”
“Why join the navy when you can be a pirate?”
“We’re not lost, we’re on a treasure hunt. And it’s going really, really long.”
“Be more pirate. Less worrying, more plundering.”
“Not all treasure is silver and gold. Sometimes, it’s rum.”
“Why walk the plank when you can make them jump?”
“Pirates: Masters of the sea-n and not seen.”
“Life’s pretty good, and why wouldn’t it be? I’m a pirate, after all.”
“Sail fast, live slow. Especially when you’re outrunning the navy.”
“A pirate’s life for me: because working 9 to 5 is for landlubbers.”
“Loot, plunder, rinse, repeat.”
“Pirate’s code: If it’s not yours, it can be. If it’s not nailed down, it’s negotiable.”
“Parrots make great therapists. They’re all about repeat after me.”
“Eco-friendly before it was cool: Pirates have been recycling ships for centuries.”
“A pirate’s favorite social media? Eye-Eye Captain.”
“Pirates: Doing wonders for global redistribution of wealth since the 16th century.”
“Arrr is for pirate, not for grades.”
“Who needs GPS when you’ve got a pirate’s sense of adventure…and a map?”
15 Funny and Relatable Pirate Tweets
“Just tried to pay for my coffee with a gold doubloon. Barista wasn’t impressed. #PirateProblems”
“Realized my pirate diet is basically keto. Meat, cheese, rum… and the occasional vitamin C to keep scurvy at bay. #Trendsetter”
“My neighbor complained about my parrot squawking too much. Told them it’s just tweeting IRL. #PirateTwitter”
“Tried to navigate the city using only a compass and a map. Ended up at a Starbucks. Pirates need their coffee too. #ModernPirate”
“Decided to wear an eye patch to a Zoom meeting. Suddenly, everyone’s a pirate expert. #WorkLikeAPirateDay”
“Downloading music illegally feels too close to actual piracy. I’ll stick to plundering the high seas, thanks. #PirateEthics”
“Can someone explain why my GPS keeps telling me to ‘sail straight on’? Missed the turnpike exit again. #PirateProblems”
“Was told my fashion sense is ‘so 1680s’. Joke’s on them; pirate chic is timeless. #PirateFashion”
“If your car’s GPS ever starts saying ‘Arrr’, you might be spending too much time at sea. #PirateLife”
“Bought a boat to feel more like a pirate. It’s a kayak. Close enough? #BudgetPirate”
“Why do we never hear about pirate chefs? Bet they make a mean ‘seafood plunder’. #CulinaryPiracy”
“Just realized ‘burying treasure’ is basically the pirate version of forgetting where you parked at the mall. #LostAndFound”
“A pirate walked into a bar. Bartender says, ‘Why the long face?’ Pirate says, ‘Lost my ship in a game of poker again.’ #PiratePuns”
“If pirates had Twitter, I bet their favorite hashtag would be #TrendingTreasures. #SocialMediaSailors”
“Not sure if I’m more scared of actual sharks or the ‘loan sharks’ at the bank. At least I can negotiate with the fish. #PirateFinance”
