- Music City? More like Tourist Trap City: Don’t get me wrong, Nashville’s got music spilling out its ears. But how many times can you hear the same cover of “Friends in Low Places” before you crave some peace and quiet? Bonus points if you can find a bachelorette party that isn’t blasting it from a pedal tavern.
- Moonshine Capital? More like Moonshine Marketing: Sure, Tennessee has a rich distilling history. But let’s be honest, half those backwoods shacks selling “authentic moonshine” are probably just dumping Everclear in mason jars with fancy labels. Buyer beware!
- The Great Smoky Mountains? More like the Great Traffic Jam Mountains: Tennessee’s natural beauty is undeniable. But picture this: you’re inching along I-40 in bumper-to-bumper traffic, surrounded by minivans plastered with “Dollywood or Bust” bumper stickers. Breathtaking, right?
- The Volunteer State? More like the “Volunteer (Because We Have To)” State: Tennessee may be known for its friendly folks, but let’s not pretend everyone’s there by choice. There’s a reason they film so many reality shows here – gotta find entertainment somewhere, right?
- Nashville Hot Chicken? More like Nashville Heartburn Chicken: This one might be true. That fiery spice may be a metaphor for the state itself – a little intense, but undeniably memorable (in a “my stomach feels like a volcano” kind of way).
- Music Scene: Nashville: the city where dreams are made of, and apparently, where everyone needs a song about a truck or a lost love (or their truck finding a new love, because apparently trucks are sentient now). Just be prepared to hear the same five power chords recycled into a new hit every other week.
- Wildlife Encounters: Sure, the Great Smoky Mountains are beautiful, but let’s be honest, the real thrill is dodging rogue squirrels with a taste for unattended picnics. Pro tip: pack plenty of squirrel-shaped snacks to distract them, they’re suckers for meta humor.
- Civil War History: Tennessee: walk in the footsteps of history… or more accurately, trip over the abundance of civil war reenactments happening every weekend. Just remember, folks, if you see a man in a itchy wool uniform sweating profusely, it’s probably not because of the weather.
- Fashion Sense: Buckle up, because Tennessee is where mullets defy the laws of physics and animal print is considered a neutral. Just remember, if someone asks you “what’s your spirit animal?” the only acceptable answer is “Rhinestone Elvis.”
- Sweet Tea Obsession: They say water is life, but in Tennessee, sweet tea is a religion. Be prepared for side-eye if you ask for unsweetened. And remember, “y’all” means all, so that second gallon of sweet tea is definitely on you, cousin.
- Traffic Laws: Tennessee has a law that says you can’t throw a snowball at a moving vehicle. Now, listen closely, folks, because this next part is crucial. Apparently, flinging a MOON PIE at a car is A-OK. Priorities, people, priorities.
- Music History: Nashville may be the “Music City,” but let’s be honest, sometimes the hottest tunes come out of convenience stores at 2 am. You know you’ve been to a real Tennessee jam session if you’ve heard a banjo duel erupt over the last pack of Slim Jims.
- Wildlife Encounters: Sure, the Great Smoky Mountains are beautiful, but let’s not sugarcoat it. You’ve gotta be on high alert for two things: breathtaking views and raccoons with a gambling addiction. They’ll snatch your picnic basket faster than you can say “Dolly Parton.”
- Festivals: Tennessee takes its festivals seriously. From the National Cornbread Cook-Off (because apparently there’s more to cornbread than just being delicious) to the World Champion Hog Calling Contest (which is basically a competition to see who can sound the most like a car alarm), Tennessee festivals are guaranteed to provide entertainment that’s, well, unforgettable.
- Fashion Sense: Bless their hearts, but Tennessee has a unique approach to fashion. Seersucker suits might be considered appropriate business attire in some parts, and there’s a strong possibility you’ll see someone rocking a pair of overalls with a bedazzled cowboy hat. It’s a beautiful mess, y’all.
Remember, this is all coming from a place of love. Tennessee’s a wild state with a heart of gold, and if you can’t laugh at yourself, well then, bless your heart.
Deep-Fried Fun That is Tennessee!
I went hiking in the Great Smoky Mountains, but I couldn’t find any bears. I guess they were all just Tennessean in hiding.
My friend’s trying to open a hot chicken restaurant in Nashville. He says the competition is fierce, it’s a real clucking battle.
I visited Dollywood and rode the Mystery Mine coaster. It was a real blast from the past, almost felt like I was in the Jurassic Peri-odd.
I tried moonshine for the first time in Gatlinburg. It was a real eye-opener, now I understand why they call it “mountain dew.”
I saw a band playing bluegrass music in a bar. They were pretty good, but I couldn’t understand a word they sang. Guess they were just mumble-inn’.
My friend’s band is called “The Tennessee Waltz.” They’re not very good, but they sure know how to milk a cowpoke.
I went to a country line dancing class in Nashville. It was a lot of fun, but I kept stepping on people’s toes. I guess I’m just two left feet in Tennessee.
I saw a sign that said “Beware of falling rocks.” I guess that’s just another way of saying “don’t get stoned in Tennessee.”
I went whitewater rafting on the Ocoee River. It was a wild ride, but I wouldn’t recommend it for the faint of heart. It can be quite Chattanoogan.
I tried some barbecue pulled pork in Memphis. It was so good, it was Memphis-tizing!
I saw a man walking his pet raccoon in Knoxville. I asked him if it was a good pet. He said, “Well, it’s not the best, but it’s the only one I could find in Knox-neigh-ville.”
I went fishing on the Tennessee River and caught a catfish. It was a real whisker-ful experience.
I visited the Grand Ole Opry and saw a performance by Dolly Parton. She was amazing, a true Tennessee treasure.
I went to a college football game in Knoxville. The atmosphere was electric, it was truly a Vol-canic experience.
I tried some Tennessee sweet tea. It was so good, it was simply peachy keen.
I visited the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum. It was a great experience, I learned a lot about the history of country music. Now I’m a real country music afici-Nash-ado.
I saw a sign that said “Welcome to Tennessee, the Volunteer State.” I thought to myself, “Well, I guess I’m not a volunteer anymore, I’m just a visitor.”
I went to a rodeo in Nashville. It was a lot of fun, but I got a little scared when a bull almost ran me over. I guess I was just lucky I wasn’t stampeded into submission.
I tried some grits for the first time in Nashville. They were surprisingly good, I guess I finally grits-ted it.
I saw a group of people playing frisbee in a park. I asked them if I could join. They said, “Sure, but just be careful, we don’t want you to get Tennessean-disc-lined.”
Twitter Tweets #TennesseeStyle
Just saw a bear in Tennessee wearing cowboy boots. Guess he was on his way to a honky-tonk, or maybe just avoiding the potholes. #OnlyInTennessee
Tennessee: where the tea is sweeter than your grandmother’s compliments but somehow more judgmental. #SweetTeaSass
Visited Graceland in Tennessee and still waiting for Elvis to leave the building. Spoiler alert: he’s really good at hide and seek. #ElvisHasLeftTheBuilding?
In Tennessee, ‘Bless your heart’ is the most beautifully wrapped insult you’ll ever receive. #SouthernCharm
Why bother with a weather app in Tennessee? Just wait five minutes, and you’ll experience all four seasons. #TennesseeWeather
Tennessee: where the speed limits are just suggestions and the deer are the real pedestrians. #WildlifeCrossing
Nashville: where everyone’s a singer-songwriter and your Uber driver has a deeper discography than the Beatles. #MusicCityMiracles
Trying to decide if Tennessee is more famous for its whiskey or its whining about football. It’s a close call. #VolunteerStateProblems
In Tennessee, we don’t need a history book. We have every family reunion. #AncestryAdventures
Tennessee: where ‘fixin’ to’ is a legitimate time frame and ‘y’all’ is the only proper plural pronoun. #SouthernSpeak
Visited the Smoky Mountains and they were beautiful, but I’m still waiting for them to stop vaping. #SmokyMountains
In Tennessee, BBQ sauce is a beverage, right? Asking for a friend. #BBQStateOfMind
Tennessee, where the state flower is the orange traffic cone. #ConstructionSeason
If you’ve never experienced a Tennessee summer, just imagine living inside a hair dryer. #SouthernHeat
Tennessee: where every day is a humidity contest and your hair never stands a chance. #FrizzFest
Just heard a country song about a tractor in Tennessee. Because of course. #CountryChecklist
Tennessee, where the phrase ‘Oh, bless your heart’ is the most beautifully crafted backhanded compliment. #SouthernHospitality
In Tennessee, ‘a little bit’ is an actual measure of distance. As in, ‘I’m a little bit away from there,’ means ‘I haven’t left my house yet.’ #TennesseeTime
Trying to find a non-musical street in Nashville is like trying to find a vegan at a BBQ joint. #GoodLuck
Tennessee: where the roads are as curvy as the country music plot lines. #TwistyTurnyTales
Slogans from Tennessee
Tennessee: Where the whiskey ages better than our roadways.
Come for the music, stay because your car fell into a pothole.
Tennessee: More orange barrels than a UT football game.
Nashville: Because who doesn’t want to hear live music at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday?
Tennessee: Where ‘y’all’ means ‘you all’ and ‘fixin” means ‘maybe in the next few hours.’
Visit Tennessee: Where every season is allergy season.
Tennessee: Where the tea is sweet and the gossip is sweeter.
Home of the Smokies: Where the views are breathtaking, literally, thanks to the humidity.
Tennessee: Where every day is a good day for barbecue.
Experience Tennessee: Where the state bird is a crane. A construction crane.
Tennessee: Where the rivers run and so does the mascara.
Come to Tennessee, where the only thing higher than the mountains are the humidity levels.
Tennessee: It’s not just a state, it’s a state of confusion during football season.
Where ‘bless your heart’ is both a prayer and a polite insult.
Tennessee: Because you haven’t lived until you’ve tried hot chicken and regretted it immediately.
Land of the free, home of the country music song about your ex.
Nashville: Where cowboy boots are more common than suits.
Tennessee: Where history is rich and our love for fried food is richer.
Visit Tennessee: Where you can experience all four seasons in one week.
Tennessee: Where the accents are thick and the pancakes are thicker.
